Imagine being free, totally and absolutely free in every way. God has given me this freedom. I have very little worries, doubts and fears because now, for the first time in my life, I walk with God.

 

My mother brought me up in the faith and I understood the consequences of sin. But for most of my life, I had a distant relationship with God. He was not a key player in my life. My life didn't have much meaning. I lived a sinful life, one that sought to gratify worldly pleasures. I made poor life decisions around drinking, drugs, and partying. In my relationships, I thought I knew how to love, but I was living in unhealthy relationships. 


Finally I hit rock bottom. I felt terrible, the worst l've ever felt about myself and my choices. It was crushing my whole being and I knew I wanted something different. I had so much guilt from the poor decisions I was making because I knew from my upbringing that what I was doing was wrong.


My conscience was getting to me, I finally decided to head back to confession. This time, going to confession was so different than all the other times. I had done the worst things I had ever done and approaching a holy man with all the details was extremely difficult. I knew going into 

confession that I would be forgiven, but this time I really experienced the Lord's mercy in a very profound way. I felt loved in a way that really changed me. God gave me the grace to be free from the ugliness and turmoil that was previously taking over my life.


I went to Sunday mass shortly after that encounter with God’s mercy and love in confession. When I was going up for Communion, I started crying uncontrollably even as I received Jesus. I felt that these tears were the spirit moving in me.  I had never been so moved before. Following this experience, I went to a New Life retreat and gave my full “yes” to Jesus with an open heart and fully surrendered. In the image of the Divine Mercy I  was able to understand God’s great mercy towards me. 


My life and way of living changed completely. My life did a 180. I quit smoking again the next day and because I understood that I was defiling my body, God’s temple, I didn’t want to start again. To make Jesus my priority, I fully surrendered to Him; my children, my family and my life. I began a daily prayer life including the rosary, which has been very powerful. I had the grace to also limit my drinking, along with quitting smoking, and I was able to lose 50 pounds.  I am working towards cleaning up my relationships. My life isn’t perfect, I still have ways to grow, but there is no going back. I have my eyes fixed on Jesus now and I have incredible peace. 


This initial freedom that I have experienced, came from a place of need for a change. I was so tired of my sin, but didn’t know how to change.  If you are experiencing a need for change and freedom from habitual sin, I encourage you to go see a priest for confession. I promise that you will leave changed.