This journey of mine began in September of last year. I was one of 12 youth from the parish who were blessed to attend WYD in Lisbon, Portugal last August of 2023. Upon arrival, I was filled with a zeal to spread Christ’s love to others. This zeal of mine however, was quickly put out in the first couple months of school. This was due to the fact that very shortly after WYD, where I experienced God’s love, and was withdrawn from my day to day life, I was hit with the hard reality that this was my last year of high school. This truth meant that everything from the time I spent studying, the time I spent doing the things I liked, the time I spent with my family, and the time I spent praying would all have an impact on my reality, 10 months from now (September). This realization, along with, once again being in a highly secular environment hostile to the gospel, is what led me to believe that everything was in my own hands, or at least, I thought. Though I did not see it at the time, this put me in a state of “paralysis”, where I was blinded of the “why” behind the countless goals I set out to achieve. So for the first month or so of school, I made it a point to eliminate anything and everything that stood in the way of me achieving the grades I wanted. It started off with allocating less time to doing things I was passionate about, like going to the gym. It then progressed things like to less time at the dinner table with family, and eventually, it came to me neglecting my prayer time all in all. 

This recipe for disaster only led me to become extremely discouraged when I saw little to no progress with my grades. Seeing how tiny the fruit of my work was, despite how much I had sacrificed resulted in me growing frustrated with myself, but ultimately with God. I couldn’t reconcile my poor academic performances with God’s providence and promise that “all things work work for the good of those who love him”. And though I was unaware of it at the time, it was the later part of that promise I was missing, my love for God. It was only in a moment of adoration, before our Lord, after my final exam, that God would open my eyes and allow me to see that all the attempts I made to achieve my goals were in vain. The decision I made to give up essential aspects of my life, like my relationship with God, my family and fellowship with others was not actually a sign of my determination in succeeding, rather, a sign of how little my trust in God was. My efforts were to no avail not due to a lack of effort or inability to understand material, but due to a lack of trust in the one whose “ways are not our ways”. 

Since coming face to face with this truth, I have been at peace, knowing that in the midst of struggles, adversities and sorrows, God asks me to turn to him for strength, and not myself, for his grace is sufficient, and his power is made perfect in my weaknesses. It’s also worth mentioning that today February 11th, the feast of our Lady of Lourdes, happens to be the 17th anniversary of my baptism. 

And so, if there is something weighing on your heart today, that is causing you great anxiety, be that school, work, family, (anything), instead of being quick to place everything under your control, surrender that thing to the Lord, having faith that he will bring good of it, so long as we work for his greater glory, and not our own. For after all, if we “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, all these things shall be ours as well.”